About Nursing: Job excitement

At my first nursing job, in a doctors office, there was lots of support. Support in the sense the other nurses that I worked with were incredibly encouraging and supportive of the work that we did.  If it was good work, we would encourage and praise each other. If I had questions, I would receive answers and not feel guilty about asking them.

In the doctors office, I learned pretty quickly what I was allowed to do, and not allowed to do. If there were any gray areas, they would be addressed instantly, and be completed pretty quickly.

Currently I work at a sub-acute rehabilitation: nursing home type place. I’ve been there over 2 months. There are so many things I am unsure how to do, what I am allowed to do, say, talk about to patients, how to talk to doctors, how to write orders, take orders down, and care for so many different conditions. My responsibility is huge, and my level of skill is almost nil.

Also, I don’t get much encouragement or support. If there is something I am unsure about, I ask, but I feel guilty about asking. If something goes wrong, and there is new paperwork to get done, I feel useless and helpless, and I need someone to go through it with me. Any good job that I do, or any good work that I do, it goes unnoticed.

The only time I get support it is usually from the support/maintenance staff, and more recently from the physical therapy staff.  I get easily excited about things, like completing my job with a patient so they can go out to PT. The example from yesterday was one of my patients is getting ADL roleplaying. This patient will have to go to the nurse to get their medications instead of the nurse normally bringing the medications to them. I thought this was the most exciting thing, and showed my excitement as we went through the medications and the times of day this patient received them.

I thought that was the end of the conversation, but apparently, my excitement did not go unnoticed. Another PT came up to me later, saying, “So I heard you did something excellent earlier.” All I could think was oh no what did I do wrong. But apparently, most nurses bite the heads off the PTs, or don’t give them the light of day, while I was super excited and totally on board with this patient receiving this type of care. My excitement did not go unnoticed, but was acknowledged, which just made my day so much better.

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The grosses thing

Disclaimer, this post may be extremely gross. But I need to save it, in case I experience something much worse, which I probably will in the future.

The grosses thing I had seen in a long time, in my line of profession, was a sebaceous cyst being popped. It was a long one on the back of the patient’s neck, the size of a small fist.

I had no idea what it was, or how it was treated, until my doctor came out, looking for a thin blade, asking me if i wanted to see him drain it. Of course I said yes, not knowing what I was about to see.

It was like a small volcano of pus like material.  It was like the largest pimple being popped, over and over again, erupting blood and pus that smelled like something terribly rotten and horrible all at the same time.

Shortly after I watched the cyst going from raised, to slightly raised, to only a small bump, the smell was too much, I had seen the largest amount of exploding pus to fill my mind with for years, I left the small exam room, hoping that my nausea would pass very soon, as I dove into another area of work, and tried to forget the experience.

What is nursing to me?

My idea and my place in my profession has changed so much in just the past couple months. Nursing for me has changed multiple times since I set foot in educating myself in nursing 5 years ago, to receiving my first job 6 weeks ago.

I’ve come to many conclusions throughout the years, and I’ve come to yet another one. Since my idea of nursing changes, and what I’m doing being a nurse changes, I keep forgetting what I’m doing it for.

As I deal with the people I work with, the doctors who are temperamental; or when I mess up a bit,  when I get frustrated and annoyed that I’m not getting everything 100% yet, it’s not for me.

It’s not about me.

Yes I have to do things right, yes if I mess up I have to fix it, own up to my mistake, but it’s not for me, it’s for the patients. If they are happy, if they get what they need, if they get the best care that they can get, that’s all that matters, and my work is done.

I have to start living that and do what I can with the hours that I have.